Romantic attraction between two people is a very complex, multi-layered experience that defies simplistic explanations. We can say, though, that romantic ecstasy, being in love, is a state of heightened aliveness that we seek because of our longing to love and be loved. Whether being in love is a prerequisite for enduring love has been a matter of considerable debate for at least two hundred years, especially in Western culture. Most of us would agree, however, that romantic love brings two people together in what may become the beginning of a deepening process of knowing and being known.
The positive intent of matchmaking is to identify two people who share compatible qualities of similarity and difference that increase the odds of forming a connection that can flower into a mutually satisfying relationship. Romantic chemistry may or may not be present between two persons so chosen, whatever system is used, whether based on astrology, brain physiology, personality theory or tribal wisdom. When “chemistry” is lacking, especially if one or both seekers are looking for “the magical other,” a potentially gratifying relationship can be stopped prematurely in its tracks. Yet, we often know instinctively when someone is not a good fit. The problem occurs when we have inordinate expectations and unrealistic goals.
Okay, so you’ve found someone you really like, now what? The underlying questions posed to relationship advisors after matches are made involve how individuals respond to the demands of a relationship and how individuals have difficulty loving.
What are the consequences of love? My role as a couples consultant, operating within the limitations of online counseling, is to improve the likelihood that both parties will mature as individuals and as a couple, whether together briefly or for a lifetime.
Valuable dating and relationship information already exists in cyberspace, bookstores and libraries. In fact, having access to so much information from multiple authorities can be overwhelming and confusing. What I know about relationships comes primarily from four sources: Counseling hundreds of couples at differing levels of maturity over 35 years as a psychologist; being married, divorced, a single parent for many years, and married again, learning through personal experience; reading widely in the scientific-professional and lay literature; and observing daily the couplings of strangers, acquaintances and friends.
I will respond briefly to questions of a general nature regarding relationship issues if you wish, and can be reached online at email@example.com or by phone at (760) 753-1211. At a later time I will be offering fee-based consultations that will address your specific relationship questions and concerns.